She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
