nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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