Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
