Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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