it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Randomize
