I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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