You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
