I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
