when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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