i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
