he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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