I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
