I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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