from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just gift wrapped bread.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
