dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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