Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
