i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You were trust falling into bushes
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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