And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
