My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
