Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
