my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
