Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
