So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
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dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
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There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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