i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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