Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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