I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
