He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
