I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
