Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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