ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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