halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
