Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
