We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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