would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
