Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
