When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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