Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
