Will you blow on my dice?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
