Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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