one two three fourrrrnication!
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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