i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
