just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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