I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
