just come out here and I will go home with you...
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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