why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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