i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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