I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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