I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
