i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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