if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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