is your mom at the bar?
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
