can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize