Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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