i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
