Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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