I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I think people are normalizing furries
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
