I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
