I think I died a long time ago.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?