Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My bed smells like the plague
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
