So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
