i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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