I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
