I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
