Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
