he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just invented taco cereal.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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