just come out here and I will go home with you...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
